Leonardo Boiko’s Diary

Here, I’ll compare them in table format so that you non–comic-book-readers can see for yourselves how Constantine is the worst character assassination ever. Last line is spoilerish, select to see:

Real John Constantine	Movie Wanker Constantine
Exceedingly British blond amoral occultist bastard	American black-haired occultist antihero
Sarcastic ex-punk-rocker modeled after Sting	Played by Keanu Reeves, emotionless robot
Dresses in an untidy pulp-fiction–like tan trenchcoat	Dresses in smart Matrix Black
Is a manipulative social engineer who hates direct conflict	Blows up demons with holy shotguns
Primary motivations: 1) stir the Hell’s pot, then 2) get away from the trouble	Primary motivations: 1) get into Heaven, 2) save Earth from demons
Forced Satan to heal his lung cancer and keep him alive by selling his soul to two other demons simultaneously, thus preventing any of them from claiming it; then resumed smoking	Forced Satan to heal his lung cancer by nobly sacrificing himself to save an innocent, thus accumulating enough karma points to go to heaven; then stopped smoking

• That round is better than sharp.
• That depth is better than flatness.
• That symmetry is better than assimetry.
• That gradients, transparency, and reflexivity are better than solid colors.